I breastfeed because...
What started out as something I thought was the 'right thing to do' ended up being right for me.
I planned to breastfeed my first child because of the cost. It is free. No fees. No formula or bottles to buy, no water and soap needed, no electricity use. Nada. I thought, "well, since I hear babies and all their gear gets expensive, at least I'll save money in the feeding department."
So, I planned to nurse my daughter and save some cash.
I never dreamed that I would begin to like breastfeeding and even grow to love it. Never. Ever.
When I had to stop nursing her, I was a mess. On the one hand, I was happy to have control of my body again. But on the other hand, I missed the closeness; knowing that with a quick pull down of my nursing top I could soothe her and fix all her problems. I longed for another baby so that I may nurse again.
Eventually the hormones stopped making me weepy about it. And eventually seeing pictures of other moms nursing their babies didn't make me sad. I actually started to enjoy my newfound freedom. I also found there were plenty of other ways to soothe and comfort my daughter without a boob being involved.
When I got pregnant again, it was a rough time. Not a pregnancy I care to recall. But what kept me going was two-fold: I would not only get to wear nursing tops and pumping shirts I'd designed but I'd once again get to nurse a baby.
In the back of my mind I worried that he might not take to breastfeeding as quickly as my daughter had. All that worry, of course, was for naught. My son became a champion breastfeeder the minute we met.
But here I sit, 11 months after our first nursing encounter. He still loves to breastfeed, though not nearly as often. I know that our time as mommy and nursling is closer to the end than to the beginning and I find myself trying not to burst into tears about it.
Is it the extreme closeness I feel to him? Is it because I know that he's growing because my body is nourishing him? Is it because that means he's growing up and he's probably the last infant I'll ever hold?
Probably all of the above.
I realize that in time, I'll get over it. But right now I'm in the thick of it. Still, I'll always cherish these years.
I wonder what would've happened if I'd decided to splurge on formula?!?!
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