My Truth About Pregnancy and Breastfeeding
As a mom, I often struggle with what I perceive to be the right way to think about mommy things. For example, being pregnant. So many people tell me that they love being pregnant. The glow, the great hair and nails, feeling the kicks and knowing they're growing a life inside of them. Sure, there are those things and I'm so happy for people who feel that way. But they don't make me want to be pregnant nor do they make me miss being pregnant. I always say that if someone handed me my baby (or any baby for that matter) and I could skip the whole pregnant thing, I'd be all over that.
I have only been pregnant twice. I don't claim to be an expert on pregnancy or being with child. And I know how blessed I am that I was able to get pregnant without medical assistance or anything. But I did spend about 18 months with a bun in the oven (ok, I know, not consecutively) so I feel like I am entitled to an opinion. My opinion is: I'm a miserable pregnant person.
In fact, during my last pregnancy, I was so miserable that I practically cut myself off from any social life. Every day was about getting through the day till I could go to sleep at night. Part of that was the sheer exhaustion associated with the pregnancy, part of it was having to entertain a two year old, and another of part of it was the constant worry that I may miscarry. (Early on I had a complication that could've resulted in a miscarriage, but somehow, thank God, the baby held on).
I know how lucky I am. There are women who suffer for years with infertility. There are pregnancies that in the end aren't viable. There are so many scary stories your head spins if you begin to think about them. But none of this takes away from the fact that pregnancy and I don't go well together.
Now breastfeeding, on the other hand, makes me so happy. I could nurse all day and all night. In fact, I was until my son's pediatrician told me he didn't need it and a baby sleep trainer confirmed that. To me, there is nothing more sacred than a mother feeding her child.
Every time I hear my baby gulp down his milk, it's like an angel singing to me. Sound ridiculous? Probably. But that's the feeling I get. And now that I'm wearing Udderly Hot Mama nursing tops every single day, I never have trouble getting access to milk at a moment's notice. It has been a real quality of life improvement.
I do get sad though because I know that breastfeeding is finite. I'm sure those moms who love being pregnant get that same sadness when they think about the nine months coming to an end.
So I try to buck up and think, well maybe this isn't your last baby....and then I think about being pregnant again....and, well, you can figure it out :)